We’re Not Defined By The Ignorance Of Others

I never feared to be who I am no matter how many people talked. I never cared what anyone said or thought: they were scared of me; they were jealous of me; they wanted to be like me!

Spiritual Blockages

Envy And Jealousy

When I was a little girl there was always a lot of jealousy around me and my mother, certain people constantly judging me on account of me not doing the same things that they, or their children were doing. People judging her on account of her strong personality, intelligence, style and advantages. 

Many had the nerve to ignorantly speculate what direction my life was heading in and what or how I would turn out to be while all along I in no way had showed any indication of having a negative outcome as they had and as their children did. 

It was more about them wanting to see something bad come about me and my way. Their children were supposed to be superior-not because they actually were-but because they bought them certain material things. Money couldn’t buy inherent wisdom! 

My mother was able to buy me particular things also. What did it mean? My mother showed me genuine love, concern, attention, and she was very smart and had the knowledge to sufficiently raise me. 

It was known that I was meant to do well in my life whereas others in specific weren’t as fortunate or spotless in matters of personal regrets or mistakes in which they couldn’t get past or considered setbacks or skeletons in their closets. The way their minds thought was a reflection on them and not anyone else who thought on a higher or opposite level. 

My mother was also meant to succeed. 

No matter what undesirable people would throw our way we continuously rose above and conquered to our liking of satisfaction. 

The Knowing Power

Power Of My Ancestors

Mind And Spirit Was Too Strong

Whether from relatives or outsiders (associates/acquaintances) people who are jealous for various reasons of their own will attempt to cause spiritual blockages in efforts to bring one down to their level or below.  

When they cannot measure up to certain calibers and are insecure about the situations that they may be in they will falsely rationalize or misinterpret their interference as a solution/downfall to equalize one to them all. Especially if they felt or interpreted that these people were better than them or considered themselves to be. Then they erroneously figure that their target will have to relent.  

Unfortunately, some individuals do break down and feel lesser than what they were as they are oblivious to what may have taken place. 

When I was in the fifth grade, I could actually feel an energy trying to block my intelligence. My great-grandmother and certain others at the time were having witchcraft done on me to halt my ability to grasp and to learn because I was very intellectually advanced at such a young age. However, the negativity didn’t prevail. I was able to know what was happening because I was born with a caul, I had intuitively felt and discerned the unnatural energy around me. 

There were also blockages put up to cause hostility between my mother and I because of the loving and close relationship that we had. 

The Spiritual blockages of various negativity (voodoo/black magic/witchcraft/evil eye/etc….) consists of attempting to block one’s intelligence, healthy and loving relationships/friendships, career/job/money, happiness/peace of mind/luck, health/lifestyle, spirituality and so on. 

The light is never put out by the darkness, it is impossible. The darkness may be able to place a temporary shadow over the light in order for the unveiling of further enlightenment, however, if one chooses to remain within the illusion of the shade that is totally on them! 

The Darkness Cannot

Overpower The Light

I turned out wonderfully as the individual I was supposed to within mind and character

My ancestors and orishas got me! They always had and they always will!

This Road To Hell Is Paved With Bad Intentions

It’s a shame, however, I still have adversaries who still won’t quit at their nonsense and who seek to conquer and to destroy me through vain demonic techniques.

It is really deep how sick and desolate these pathetic individuals are no matter how much times goes by they still cannot move on.

They’ll have to continue on the road alone as It is impossible for them to drag me along for a ride within their eternal lanes of destruction.

These pitiful idiots are unable to spoil my joy or rattle my spirit.

 

Ernestine Lawrence

"My Voice" Weblog By Miss LaToya Lawrence

Down below are links and messages from my mother’s sister, Tina, sent to me on Facebook.

This is for you, Tina, although you probably wouldn’t comprehend as logic and reasoning doesn’t register with you. And, since your HIV/Aids has probably gone to your head by now.

Since I was a child you were very jealous me because I was very intellectually advanced and highly educational that is why you went around saying I had no education when it was actually you who had no knowledge.

You always had that low level trash mentality.

You have no high school diploma and did not graduate from high school that is why you went into the National Guards because you didn’t know anything and you wouldn’t have gotten into there if my mother hadn’t helped you out and told you what to do but you couldn’t even excel within that.

If it wasn’t…

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It Doesn’t Pay To Do Dirt

I was told a long time ago that I’m supposed to have the things that I want.

All through out my life I indeed have usually gotten what I wanted most of the time just by the act of wishing or thinking about something.

My desires didn’t even have to be intensely felt in order for me to receive them they just had to be sincere.

I was given what I wanted either swiftly or at an appropriate later time.

Everything is still the same for me till this very day no matter how old I get. I still have that special luck and blessings, that part in which came along with me being born with a caul.

I never asked for much and I never took anything for granted. These gestures have been touching and of deep contemplation to my sincerest regard. The energy within the universe has been kind, caring and generous toward me.

The connection and the protection from my ancestors has been phenomenal. The solicitous attention from my orishas has been noteworthy.

Even while all through out my life certain individuals have tried to interfere and delay my opportunities and prospects because they were discontent with how things always worked out for certain family members and I.

We utilized our talents and knowledge as we were ambitious and independent whereas those who were envious and jealous couldn’t.

Nevertheless, we kept on going. And as we continued to persevere we consistently had spiritual back up clearing our pathways and heading us within even better, and more inspiring directions.

The road wasn’t always smooth, however, during the intermittent bumps we were hit with intangible advantages.

One’s patience can wear out yet I learned that the endurance is necessary sometimes to work out all of the specific kinks.

People don’t realize the depth of how they’re killing themselves within the process of trying to hinder someone else.

They know far down inside they will pay the consequences but the severity gets harsher with each unsavory action done among them toward us and toward others.

When they transition and reach the lower depths of hell they’ll have to face the reality they’re trying to escape through their current delusions.

People shouldn’t go around messing with people of spirit and people of a decent nature there is no escape when what they’ve sown comes to ruthlessly fetch.

 

 

 

 

Mental, Emotional, And Spiritual Breakdown

Everyone who has had a breakdown of some sort is not weak, crazy, or dangerously unstable.

A breakdown is spiritual within many instances. A Yoruba priestess even acknowledged this fact to me years ago. I know firsthand as my own mother was a victim of brujeria in the early 1980’s.

I was even targeted. My aunt tried to flip me out when I was eighteen years of age by putting the hallucinogenic drug mescaline into a hot pot of black eyed peas that I had cooking over the stove.

People often use recreational “trip” drugs to increase the chance or enhance the effect of mental and chemical alterations of the brain while also performing the negative spiritual influences within black magic/voodoo/witchcraft.

My aunt went a step further in her malicious attempt by also putting tainted hiv fluids inside my food. Anyone educated would know the disease would not survive within the air and within a pot of scalding hot water.

Nevertheless, I didn’t lose my head or have a breakdown, my mind was too strong with faculty and awareness, and I didn’t, of course, become infected with aids either.

I was young, innocent, and very spiritually inclined, so divine intervention took over and protected me.

My aunt Tina (Ernestine Lawrence) has been hiv positive since the 1980’s due to intravenous drug use and promiscuous behavior from the 1970’s on up and instead of using her limited time to spend changing her life around for the better, she continued to do tons of constant dirt. She and other envious and jealous ruthless dummies, whores, drug addicts, and degenerates attacked me and other family for decades.

They’ve in addition done it to others, however, when they came after my mother and I, they messed with the wrong individuals. We are people of the light and they are people of the darkness. My ancestors and orishas were ready for them all, and the universe was recording and keeping record of every notorious deed in which was repeatedly done toward us.

Tina had poisoned food of my mother’s years ago too while neighbors were working black magic/voodoo/witchcraft against her.

My grandfather was driven to mental affliction before he was killed and found dead in the Hudson river.

My aunt Charise was drugged and raped which caused her to be afflicted with mental illness.

My grandfather, mother, younger aunt, and I were targeted for manipulative breakdowns because we were all very smart, strong, and fighters who could literally kick ass if needed be. We weren’t the type to back down or be bullied by anyone, and we were all good upstanding people.

The intent for causing mental, emotional, and spiritual breakdowns are to weaken one, to render them as incredible, and to lower their self esteem and spirit.

Certain evildoers want those of us who have knowledge in which threaten their unscrupulous ways either dead or labeled as crazy.

 

 

 

Vile Strength

Working Woman By Miss LaToya

My mother had me when she was twenty-two years old and we became very close as we bonded immediately after I was born.

We’ve been through a lot together enduring circumstances in which many would not have survived and coming out sustained within a fashion that has caused some to wonder and to be amazed.

My mother and I have battled a very long way from the negativity directed towards us by envious, jealous, and unsavory people in specific.

My mother and I both constantly held our ground and we continue to stand.

Hooray to Peace, power, love, and protection.

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A Nonsexual Caulbearer In A Sexual And Sexist World

I am a person born of the caul who happens to be asexual and that has been disturbing to individuals who are twisted. I just unfortunately in the past had lived and grown up in a neighborhood full of sick and low-minded people in which I was far set apart from within mind and character.

Luckily, I was always able to branch out and come across and meet those of a higher vibration and of versatile range that I could relate to and appreciate all throughout my life as I went different places unbeknownst to the assholes who remained amongst the fellow likes of themselves and who couldn’t go no further.

There were men who’s sisters, nieces and daughters had got hurt or dogged out by men and there was nothing to talk about when it came to me.

What was so special about LaToya? Why didn’t she get caught up out there?

This is the absurd way in which these degenerate people thought and we have people like this and who generate within this fashion all over the place.

So these neighborhood people had for years endeavored to calculate an unnatural situation through the use of deceptive black magic along with lies to create a facade of camouflaging negativity toward my life that would coincide with and shadow up the celestial light of my true destiny and fate.

They tried to bring me into their darkness and cover me within a glue of a paint so ugly and stagnant in color. A substance of demonic craft they didn’t ensure for me to vehemently peel away from.

I think at one time adversaries were spreading and also wanted me to believe that I was a whore with diseases, a prostitute, and other off the wall things, I don’t know for sure if I was suppose to be a drug addict too, and I also think that because I wasn’t fazed by this nonsense I was supposed to be either crazy or putting up a front because their conspiracy of fabrications was supposed to be my ultimate truths even though they all knew what they were doing.

They wanted me to appear lower than what they were so everything they had done within their lives they put on me to make themselves feel better and they intended for their lies to follow me for the rest of my life in payback for me not having been in the same category as them as they perceived me as to think that I was better than them.

In spite of all the dirt these people have directed toward me it has not killed my spirit or brought me down.

The words bitch and whore don’t faze me. I’ve never been intimidated or affected by utterances intended to bring down a woman’s confidence or self-esteem. If anything, I was further liberated and elevated in discerning that I was at a higher level of knowledge and spiritual consciousness.

I don’t know how much this would resonate with other Caulbearer’s who had to go through shit or just others who stood out for whatever reasons but when it came to a man and sex people around my old neighborhood really yearned for me to get swallowed up in the same holes they had gotten trapped into.

My father’s sister told my father years ago that “I was too hard for a girl”.

“Really?” I had thought to myself. I didn’t know that as a female I was supposed to be weak or defined as what society projected an acceptable or proper female out to be. All I knew is how to be my true self and I wasn’t changing that for anyone or to meet anyone’s bias standards.

No one can dictate to me how I should be or not be as a genuine female within my own distinct mode of character.

One thing in which really struck me as quite odd and ridiculous is among the particular gutter-rats and certain people on a low-level within mentality and intellect where I grew up around who for some outrageous reason erroneously took for granted and automatically expected me to have had an interest in men, an attraction, or sexual desire, just because most people were wired or designed, or came out to be this way, whereas I never did, never was, and never will, and it came to be an actual subject of silly gossip and idle debate.

Of course, when we’re not like everyone else and don’t exude the same type of behavior as the majority or as average it gets noticed and talked about.

Others who aren’t thoroughly acquainted with us (even those who may have been around us for years) enough make quick assumptions or generalizations about our character taking into presumption that we must have the same needs, wants, mindsets, emotions, shortcomings and/or etc… And these drawn up conclusions are not always the case within many people’s nature and everday lifestyles.

I’ve been told personally by certain others that I’m very unique and that there’s no one out there who is like me. Though I do know there are a variety of distinct individuals within existence who differ greatly as this is a huge world in which we all live in, but for the most part, these people were just acknowledging to me that I was a rare person from their own observation and perception.

A distant relative of mine had even stated to my mother that it wasn’t normal for me to not have any nature (sexual appetite). I strongly disagreed because to me it is not about what is so called normal but it is about what serves as being healthy to one and within one’s own nature and life. The way I am is indeed normal to me, however, to each his or her own.

Why was the fact that I and my vagina didn’t need or want the undesirable pounding of a penis or the attention of any man so interesting and prone to circulating?

So spread out and disappointing to the point where it created hostility and denial on the part of those who for jealous reasons of their own preferred that I innately share the same tendencies and susceptibilities as they did?

I was born with my own individual attributes.

No man can do anything for me mentally or physically and I don’t express this to be harsh but I have to convey because it is the absolute truth. It is important for one to not repress who they really are on account of other people’s judgments due to a lack of knowledge in specific areas on their part.

It is very unhealthy for one to do so.

I don’t know why sex is so important and significant to these people. I don’t understand why they believed or hoped that if I indulged in the sexual act or had a man attempt to degrade me with nonsense talk equivalent to a mediocre mindset in regard to false sexual encounters or the delusion of what they believed to be would actually have any bearing or reflection on me as they gambled so hard on the outcome and for it to follow me within my life as if it was something legitimate.

It’s also sad how sex sells and how sex is promoted the way that it is when in my opinion intercourse itself actually means nothing. I have written many articles and quite a few were editors picks in online publishing and magazines yet it was the article that I wrote about being Asexual that prompted a few publishers to contact me for permission to display them as they thought the write up was “powerful” and beneficial.

I didn’t mind at all it’s just out of all the things I have written about it’s the one regarding not having any interest in sex or men that catches the most attention?

Society is too sex crazed that it clouds their judgment when it comes to those who have no true interest in sexual matters.